It was 2:03 a.m. when I first synched my molars with Wi-Fi. Enter the BrushaBuzz 3000—a toothbrush that tracks your plaque clearance via app. Unboxing felt like fist-bumping Tony Stark’s intern, complete with neon LEDs that pulse as you scrub. Setup required three updates, a biometric fingerprint scan (for your tongue?), and agreeing to share “usage data” with a vaguely named marketing partner.
In practice, it pings you if you miss a quadrant, awards you badges like “Flossy McFlossFace,” and cheerfully chimes “Great job!” whenever you hit exactly 30 seconds per zone. Battery life claims “30 days,” but after two weeks it sounded an urgent SOS that drained its reserve faster than my willpower after midnight pizza.
Verdict: If you love gamified hygiene and don’t mind your brush whispering sweet motivational nothings at ungodly hours, the BrushaBuzz 3000 is your soulmate. Otherwise, stick to the tried-and-true manual brush and spare yourself the existential dread of trusting a spinning head to judge your oral morality.